Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. ~Rumi

 

Wine

Sto. Niño Church in Tacloban City

Sto. Niño Church in Tacloban City. It has been more than a year after Supertyphoon Haiyan destroyed this church, it has been rebuilt more gloriously than ever. Not much of a religious person, but when I see this church standing again, I can feel that Tacloban City is getting back on its feet and somehow recovering after the destruction.

HAIYAN: The Bringer of Hell

Today is the anniversary and the memory is still fresh on how the city that I love was destroyed by the bringer of hell, the infamous typhoon Haiyan.

The night before the typhoon…I have been reading posts in facebook about how strong it is and that it should not be taken lightly. I can’t sleep…I kept on checking the posts and the updates about the typhoon. It was after midnight, it was the calm before the storm and it was eerily silent. Little did I know that it was silent to prepare for Haiyan’s roar later on. Past 5am the rain started to get strong and the wind started to howl. Usually if it’s a storm, you can hear the wind whistle…but this is different…it wasn’t a mere whistle but there was a sense of rage and it was as if the wind was angry and wanted to ruin everything in its path.

I was crying and holding my mommy’s hands. I was the coward in the room…I was panicking and my mommy who was the nervous wreck most of the time, was the one comforting me and holding my hand. I started to wonder why there was more light coming from the living room since we were all staying inside the bedroom..when we checked, our kitchen no longer had a roof. I panicked more and I was already hyperventilating since the roof in the room was already on the verge of being sucked by the terrible wind. I was praying for strength and that it will end soon.

When it was all over…we thought we’ve gone thru the worse, but when we went out of the house, we saw the devastation around us. I wasn’t able to recognize my surroundings. No house was safe. Even the big houses were damaged. I looked around and what used to be a space where small houses stood, it was wiped out. All you can see are debris. But, what we heard from the people the next day was worse that we can imagine. People died…and I could not imagine that it was thru drowning. It sounded so unreal. Days after the typhoon people were panicking because people were hurting each other as a result of scarcity of food and help from the outside world. I was also panicking because it seemed like there was no way out of the hell that me and my family was going through. We had food and supplies but in the long run it will run out. Food and water was becoming scarce because of the looting that happened around us. It was the first time that I was able to appreciate eating warm bread. I’m not sure it if was because of the scarcity of food , but for me it was the best tasting bread that I had eaten. Everything was limited…food, water, candles, and we even thought that we are running out of time. We wanted to get out so badly because every night we hear gunshots just near our subdivision and we were already feeling unsafe and we feared for our lives. People were getting more desperate and bad things are already happening around us.

Two nights before we were able to exit, it was the 2nd time in my life that I thought that I will die (the first time was during the typhoon). People in our subdivision were panicking because they heard that bad people are on their way to our area to loot and steal from houses. In my mind I can already imagine people with guns or knives ransacking our subdivision, killing and looting. Thank God nothing happened, although the next day we indeed found out that 3 unidentified men attempted to enter our subdivision but got scared because of the noises that we were making.

Five days after Haiyan we found hope. We can now exit, we were able to secure plane tickets going to Cebu. I cried on the way to the airport. It was the first time I saw how Haiyan destroyed my beloved Tacloban City. It was the 5th day and dead people were still lying on the streets untouched. People were passing by and even living a few feet away from the dead. I was in shock and I could not fathom that this would happen during my lifetime. I was like in a movie, a bad movie…it was like a movie about the apocalypse. When we arrived at the airport it was chaos. It felt like were in an evacuation area. People were everywhere, some waiting for their flight while some still looking for a way out. No food and no water, good thing we brought our leftover food supply. We spent our last night at the airport. Good thing we were able to find a good space to sleep on. When I say space, it was on the floor. We slept on the tarpaulin beside a big trashcan. I was on the verge of self-pity but when I look around and thought of what I saw that day, I reminded myself that I have no right to pity myself. Some people experienced worse and they still have hope. The next day, me and my family were able to get out of Tacloban City, still uncertain of what’s going to happen next.

Fast forward to today… my beloved city is on the road to recovery…piece by piece people are trying to rebuild their homes and their lives. I have been home a few times now, there’s now a sense of normalcy but now yet fully recovered. On the outside people are getting their lives back together, but the scars are still visible. But I can see that the scars are like a beacon of strength and hope , we survived the storm and I can say that I am thankful for this 2nd chance that I have been given in life. This is my story about the bringer of hell called Haiyan.

SOLITUDE

I was once an outgoing person. I loved to be around people and just hang around with them. I used to stay up late with friends and just drink the night away without a care in the world. I got bored if I just stayed home.

But as I’m writing this…I noticed a lot words that are in the past tense. Am I becoming a hermit? People might not believe that sometimes I’d rather be with myself during weekends, they would even find it weird if I say that I’m excited for the weekend because I’m going to have coffee with myself. When I go out and eat by myself people around me will have that weird look, I think they think that I’m a loser or some kind of a weirdo. I don’t have to justify myself if I go out and enjoy having dates with myself. I can proudly say that I find joy in being on my own.

I love to be alone with my thoughts. I sometimes prefer to be politely ignored and left to my own devices. I’d love to have coffee and sit in one corner alone without the prying eyes of people around me and just be left alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I still go out and hangout with my friends. I’m not a total loner. I am still capable of socializing with friends. In fact they keep me sane. I love to talk and be with them. My family and friends are my lifeline. But at the end of the day it’s always me, myself and I…don’t we all? I mean yes, you may have your partners and our families but before we all go to sleep, we are alone with our thoughts whether we have someone beside us or not. It’s a nice feeling that you can be comfortable with your own company.

Even until now, people are still in disbelief of what I have become. I love having coffee with myself, watching movies alone and eating out alone. I don’t care what the people around me say, I love people but I also love myself…no justifications needed.

Don’t you ever wish that life was written using a pencil rather than a pen?

Don’t you ever wish that life was written using a pencil rather than a pen?

If life was written in pencil, then we could easily erase the bad things we did or the things we regret doing.  We all make mistakes, and as what Newton’s Law of Motion states, to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. The only time we realize that we made a mistake when we are face to face with the consequences of our actions. When these consequences slap us in the face, we regret what we did and sulk in one corner and wish that we could erase what we did. But it’s not only about our mistakes, but also the things we regret NOT doing. Because if life was written in pencil, then we could easily erase the passing of time or go back to square one. We can easily go back to the time when we were faced with the question of “doing it or not doing it.” We could have gone back to the times in our lives where we could have done something we wanted to do, but are too scared and petrified to take a leap. If life was written in pencil, then the fear of taking risks will be blotted out because we can easily erase the consequences of our stupidity  or we can choose not to face the crappy things that life has thrown us. All the “WHAT IF” and “WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN” scenarios playing in our minds will be deleted.

We wish that life was written using a pencil, but that’s not the case. Because, whether we like it or not, life was written using a PEN with PERMANENT ink! What’s done can’t be undone…no matter how you cross out or scratch out what you did, we just have to face the aftermath of our stupidity. So mope all you want, and sulk if you must, but we can’t do anything about it. We do things whether it’s sappy or not, we face the consequences, no matter how fast we run away from it. We stumble, we fail, and often commit mistakes, and as we all know it, things happen and we just have to accept and learn from it.

But come to think of it, there is something that we can do. And that’s making the most out of our lives and to avoid committing the same mistakes again. Easier said than done, right? We are humans after all, committing mistakes is in our nature. But let’s just learn from it and stop running away from the after-effects of our mistakes, because before we know it, it’ll catch up to us and it will take us by surprise and thwap us in the head.

LACKADAISICAL

It all started when I read this word in an article from a local newspaper. I was intrigued by this tongue-twisting word. I looked it up in the dictionary and found out that I means “lacking life, spirit, or zest.” I thought to myself, a lot of people can relate to this word. It sounds like a complicated word, but with a straightforward meaning.

…lacking life, spirit, and zest…what are the factors that may lead to this state of mind or feeling?

Well, with what’s happening to the world right now, who wouldn’t feel lackadaisical even just for a bit, right? Sometimes, when we are burned out and exhausted, we have no way vent our frustrations out. Even I sometimes feel lackadaisical. Being away from home and my loved ones can be hard and exasperating .  Sometimes I feel that life is like a routine for me. I wake up, go to work, eat, then go home and sleep….and then wake up again…and the cycle goes on. I’m not really bored with my life.  I have my  friends and my life here…but sometimes it’s a bit exhausting doing the same monotonous actions, over and over again. But, thank God for rest days. Rest days extricate me from the routine of my job. I can rest, relax, be a hermit or I can also be with my friends. It rejuvenates me and gives me the energy to use and exploit for the coming work days.

Maybe it’s just normal to feel lackadaisical sometimes. Because we do get burned-out and frustrated at some point in our lives. We can’t be all happy and perky all the time. I’m not propagating that it’s ok to be unhappy, distressed and melancholic all the time. I’m just saying that it’s a normal feeling. We are not robots, we are human beings and we feel emotions and to react to whatever we’re going thru is normal.  Life can be overbearing and sometimes we become feeble and vulnerable to life’s cruelties. 

You may see me with a glum disposition and I have pessimism written all over my face.  We all have our moments, be it happy or dreary. And I realized, as I’m  sitting right now with my cup of coffee and staring at my computer , that being in a routine makes us forget the small things in life. Sometimes, life can be so fast paced that we forget to be thankful about the fact that we are alive. It pays to take things slow sometimes, although we live in a routine-like life, we must not forget to be thankful that we are still waking up every morning and that we are still alive.

“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.   –Henry Miller 

PEOPLE WATCHING

Sometimes, we just need some alone time, to sit in one corner and watch people pass by. Observing people doing their own thing, talking, doing whatever they want to do.  Sometimes we find it therapeutic.

There comes a point in our lives, that the awareness of our own existence is not enough, which awakens our curiosity about our surroundings. We  become more aware that there are millions and millions of people living their lives as well. Humans are complex and multifaceted, and that alone is enough to arouse the inquisitiveness in each person and will make us wonder what the person beside is thinking or if the person passing by is going thru something right now, be it good or bad. It’s amazing indeed that people encounter situations and surprises for them to discover and each person respond to each scenario uniquely and which sends them to different paths in life. It will depend on how the person will cope with whatever life brings them. Life has a lot of surprise and it’s the prerogative of each person on how to react to these unexpected predicaments no matter how unprepared the person is.

Are you not intrigued that there are more than 4 billion people in the world right now living their lives? I know their lives are none of our business, but just the thought that they too are living their lives just like you and me.  We can’t help but ask how they are living their lives. Sometimes we can’t help but ask questions about life. For example when an old lady passes by, we can’t help but wonder she lived her life as a youth.  Sometimes we may be driven to question ourselves and wonder what we’ll be like when we reach that age..that is if we reach that age. Sometimes, we will even wonder what it would be like if we were in their shoes.

People watching is indeed constructive to one’s consciousness, how you may ask? It makes the observer realize that they are not alone after all. Life may be complicated and overwhelming, but it makes the us realize that each person is unique and everyone has a niche in this intricate world.